American Idiots: Being Stoned Worth Getting Stoned?

I realize the first half of this entry isn't relating to "crime" per sae, but it's still a story worth a good rant.

Einstein said, “The more I learn about people, the more I love my dog,” and I tend to agree. Especially when I read stories like these on CNN and Yahoo News. You’ll soon see why.

So I’m researching a topic for my next blog post on the Yahoo News archives and in the clutter of Syria articles and Kardashian halabaloo I see this headline: “Man Drinks Quart of Soy Sauce, Goes Into Coma.” This must be good.

The link took me to livescience.com, where I read of a 19-year-old teen in Virginia was dared by his oh-so-loving friends to drink an entire quart of soy sauce in June of this year. Within minutes, he began twitching and went into a seizure. By the time this boy was given anti-seizure medication in the ER his body was in a coma. The soy sauce had shut down the boy’s nervous system in less than a half hour. Here’s a gross detail you might not want to read: when doctors put a tube into the boy’s nose, brown material gushed out of it. His body was desperately trying to purge itself of the overdose of salt and (really bad) neurotoxins found in soy sauce. It may be helpful to know here that a quart of soy sauce contains a third pound of salt, and when that chemical warfare enters the brain, bad things happen—the term “hypernatremia” comes to mind, which is when so much salt entered the bloodstream and went through the brain that osmosis took its toll and the brain is suffocated of its water supply.

Surprisingly good karma came way to this lucky son-of-a-sushi, as he woke up three days after the incident with no signs of long-term brain damage. He did, though, have frequent seizures for a few hours.

After writing a rather satirical blog entry on this brilliant teenager, I decided to see what other geniuses we have living among us. “Guy Crushed to Death by His Own Marijuana,” comes up. How could I resist?

So, here’s the gist: earlier this month a drug smuggler had half a ton of weed in his backseat, crashed his car, and 1,100 pounds of weed came barreling forward, crushing him to death against the steering wheel, according to the New York Daily News.

I’m going to go ahead and save my anti-drug speech for another time and just expand on how idiotic you have to be to be stoned to death by leaves…ironically leaves you were planning to get stoned by in a different way.

Working my way back to Einstein, welcome to America: where some people are literally too stupid to insult. I like my dogs. At least I can get used to their stupidity. American idiots, I’m sorry…but you’re SOL.

www.tobietti.com

Click for this week's craziest crimes, including another marijuana-related one.)

The Silk Road take-down: an end to the Dread Pirate Roberts?

On October 1, 2013, FBI caught the man responsible for an online black market for drugs and hitmen dubbed Silk Road--this man, also known as the Dread Pirate Roberts, is Ross William Ulbricht. Ulbricht, a 29-year-old physics and engineering student, created this user-friendly website--a website which even FBI agents describe as "the most sophisticated and extensive criminal marketplace on the Internet today"--running it for two years and raking in over 80 million dollars.

Many times in drug busts, law enforcement has a way of getting a little black book of the dealer's costomers; however, with this online drug trafficking site and it's 21st century use of intrackable bitcoin currency, FBI are (as of today) unable to track the millions of drug-buyers and hitmen-users around the world. Last year the site even added a "stealth mode" option to "those who feel they're of risk of becoming a target of law enforcement."

Though the intellegent programmer was very careful in creating an intrackable sight, this Dread Pirate Roberts fell victim to his own sloppiness, a sloppiness which led to his capture. Someone using the handle "Altoid" made a post on a forum called Bitcoin Talk, recommending Silk Road and providing a link. "Has anyone seen Silk Road yet? It's kind of like an anonymous Amazon.com. I don't think they have heroin on there, but they are selling other stuff," it read. Eight months later, "Altoid" made another posting on Bitcoin Talk, stating he was looking for "an IT pro in the Bitcoin community" to hire in connection with "a venture backed Bitcoin startup company." The posting asked interested parties to contact rossulbricht@gmail.com. This email address was the break in this case FBI agents needed to crack the biggest drug dealing cite on the internet.

Records obtained from Google showed Ulbricht had regularly logged into his Gmail account from a San Francisco Internet café near Ulbricht's home; it was at this internet café that FBI agents arrested Ulbricht for narcotics trafficking, computer hacking, and money laundering.

money.cnn.com

As for the Dread Pirate Roberts, you may or may not know that this position has been a "job" for centuries, dating back to when the Dread Pirate Roberts of the 1700s trafficked gold from country to country, destroying any ships that came in his way. The pirate had a good-sized crew, though none of the crew mates knew what their captain loked like, for he wore a mask. This mask was the key to how the Dread Pirate Roberts has seemed to live forever. See, once "Roberts" decided it was time to retire, he would choose a hard-working member of the crew and pass the "Roberts" name on to him along with the mask. The name "Roberts" was like the calling card of the trafficking name, used to strike fear in others. Now, in the 21st century, the "Dread Pirate Roberts" is no longer surfing the seven seas, rather surfing the internet and its globalizing capabilities. Somewhere along the way, drug gold trafficking became drug trafficking, and ships became IP addresses and black market websites. The most recent Dread Pirate Roberts created Silk Road. It's unknown if Ulbricht was able to name another Dread Pirate Roberts before his capture, thoughy it's widely accepted that even if he hadn't gotten the chance, an employee of Silk Road will take the "Roberts" name and keep drug trafficking strong. Silk Road's closure is unlikely to bring an end to the trade of illegal goods on the "dark web," as similar sites operate on the Tor network and continue to thrive.

Silk Road's Dread Pirate Roberts vs The Princess Bride's Dread Pirate Roberts

On October 1, 2013, FBI agents caught the man responsible for a black market website, Silk Road, which provided people around the world with easy access to drugs and hitmen. This man is, in fact, today's Dread Pirate Roberts. (Lost? Watch this video :) )

www.7bucktees.com

In The Princess Bride, the Dread Pirate Roberts is fearsome, ruthless, and unfailingly polite. Even when his true love tells him he could die and she wouldn't care, his response is, “as you wish.” (Spoiler alert: He doesn’t die, they end up kissing and riding horses into the sunset, and Fred Savage’s character learns to appreciate the mushy parts of love stories. It really is a great movie--one of my favorites).

The Dread Pirate Roberts of the online black market Silk Road, a.k.a. Ross William Ulbricht, actually bears some resemblance to his fictional ancestor. The FBI profile report of him describes a man who is easy to please as he gives instructions how to seal drugs properly or offers a consumer support option through which the site’s employees “will take care of you personally.”

This pirate is especially gracious when offering hitmen for free--yea, he will personally pay someone to kill a man whether or not this man has a wife and three children. Oh, and at his arrest, Ulbricht seems almost to be reciting from the movie’s script as he tells law enforcement that he “wouldn’t mind if he was executed.” (See "as you wish" in the second pararaph).

The most relevant parallel in these two pirates is how the Dread Pirate Roberts of the movie refers not to a person, but to a job. In the Princess Bride, the men holding the title periodically decide to retire, secretly passing the torch down to their successors while helping obscure the fact that a change has taken place. With Ulbricht indisposed, such an orderly handoff seems improbable, but definitely not impossible.

What's in store for the future of internet drug trafficking? Well, all the essential elements remain in place: a worldwide web of computers, software for obscuring identities, and a healthy desire to buy and sell drugs. Though non-druggie Americans can say we had a big win in this capture, a sequel is likely in the works.

The PMS Defense Feminist Setback

Girls: are your premenstrual cycles too difficult to bare? Are you moody, irrational, stressed, and maybe a bit irresponsible to a point where you can't even recognize yourself? In my opinion, you're completely normal. Have you ever felt like screaming, throwing a stapler, punching the professor, or stabbing a bartender to death? In my opinion, you need medication; however, by ruling of the Supreme Courts, go right ahead and be a felon--don't worry, you'll go free by rule of insanity.

In the 1980 court case of Regina vs Craddock, Sandie Craddock--with 30 prior sentences for theft, arson, and assault--was charges with murdering a coworker. Right away, she was found guilty of manslaughter on a plea of diminished responsibility: that PMS "turned her into a raging animal each month and forced her to act out of character." This final statement set the minds of court Gods in motion, as they delayed the trial three months to observe Craddock to see if she would respond to progesterone. The judge has considered PMS as a mitigating factor--a slap in the face to our forefathers' values of right and wrong. Craddock was placed only on probation as Craddock was ordered a progesterone treatment.

Now, may I just say, what the hell. PMS is no excuse for committing crimes--especially when that crime is killing someone--yet the courts have ruled many times in the favor of the defendant because of their freaky PMSing. In a 1982 case, a mother beat her four-year-old daughter to a point of being covered in bruises and cuts--she got off. 1991, a surgeon was caught driving drunk with three children in the car. In the midst of her arrest, she kicked the police officer in the groin and attempted to flee.After this grand scheme didn't work out, she was brought to trial. She got off with a mere fee and her license was revoked for a year. 

This "defense strategy" is a load of BS, I think. Girls, you can control it. And if you can't, you should know that well enough to go to Walgreen's and get an over-the-counter hormone balancing drug. There's plenty of them. Or, if you're not too keen on medication, when you feel irritable (like you want to kick a policeman in the groin), just close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. I think all girls will agree that during our cycles you go through 15 emotions a minute--so just wait this aggressive one out and wait 30 seconds until you start crying from your next emotional freak-out.

Using the PMS defense is offensive--it really is. When some sorry chick uses this as a justification for being bat-shit crazy, it's a slap in the face for feminists everywhere; a setback to every future feminist regulation we'd like to pursue. Wanna have a female president someday? Well I wouldn't if she's allowed to go bat-shit crazy once a month. Wanna have equal job opportunities? Well she's gonna run the whole company to the ground during "that time," so I sure as hell don't think she should be in too high of power.

When you go to trial and think up a defense strategy, don't be a lazy little bioch. Either take responsibility or think of a real-deal case of why your actions are justifiable. Anything else is just embarrassing to yourself and women everywhere.

10 Most Sadistic Killers of the Century

1. Charles Manson: 1969 "Death to the Pigs"
•  Convinced a race war would make him a world leader, cunning Charles Manson sent his cult on a 1969 "Helter Skelter" murder spree designed to speed the arrival of the apocalypse. Manson himself never took part in the killings, but convinced his weak, warped, hippie disciples, known as "The Family," to carry out his twisted plot. The Family's butchers (Charles Watson, Susan Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkle, and Leslie Van Houton) slaughtered eight people: Abigail Folger, Wojciech Frykowski, Leno LaBianca, Rosemary LaBianca, Steven Parent, Paul Polanski, Jay Sebring, and Sharon Tate (view crime shots). In an attempt to inspire hate and fear, the gang painted "PIG" and "HELTER SKELTER" with the victims' blood on the walls and doors, shocking American families around the world, though never sparking racial violence as purposed.

  

  www.cnn.com

  
  
2. Zodiac Killer: 1971 Harvesting "Slaves for his afterlife"
   • Carrying out his killings at astrologically significant times, the Zodiac has claimed to have stabbed, strangled, shot, drowned, or poisoned as many as 40 people to "collect slaves" to serve him in the afterlife. Despite the many taunting letters signed with secret cryptograms, the Zodiac Killer eluded San Fransisco cops. Following numerous leads, California police named many suspects and hosted many theories throughout the decade-long investigation. The most widely mentioned suspect is Arthur Leigh Allen, who went to his grave in 1992 denying any involvement in the murder spree--he was later cleared by future DNA evidence. Other suspects have included Bruce Davis--a former Manson Family member--Jack Tarrance, Larry Kane, and Richard Marshall; cops now say they have run out of leads.

     

     latimesblogs.latimes.com

     
     
3. David Berkowitz: 1977 Son of Sam
   • Believing he had been commended by his neighbor's demonic Labrador Retriever, David Berkowitz terrorized New York during a year-long butchery that left six dead and seven others wounded. The former army marksman's weapon of choice was a .44 Caliber handgun. The self-nicknamed killer wrote a series of chilling letters to newsman Jimmy Breslin; in one he said: "Sam's a thirsty lad--he won't let me stop killing till he gets his fill of blood. I will see you at the next job." In the end, it was a parking ticket that collared Berkowitz. In custody, Berkowitz claimed a 6,000-year-old demon spoke through his neighbor's dog, Harvey, ordering him to kill. Berkowitz has been eligible for parole since 2002, but has said he has no interest in seeking freedom.

     

     rock.rapgenius.com

     
     
4. Ted Bundy: 1978 The pretty face grinning 'til the end
   • He was the man women thought they wanted to bring home to Mom. Handsome and intelligent Theodore Bundy had all the girls swooning, though little did his victims know that this was all a mask. Bundy was born out of wedlock in 1946 with the name Theodore Robert Cowell, was handed off to his grandparents, and grew up believing his mother was his sister. When his long-time girlfriend, Elizabeth Kendall, broke up with him, Ted went on a desperate library-spree to find out "who he really was;" it was in this spree that he found out the truth about his lie of a childhood and came to hate all women. From 1974 to 1978, the pretty-boy predator preyed on young women, most with long dark hair parted down the middle, just like the college sweetheart who dumped him. Bundy's rouse to take these women usually involved him faking an injury; he then overpowered them, took them to secluded areas, beat, raped, and murdered them. A routine traffic stop ensnarled the crafty killer in late 1974. His defense attorney, John Henry Browne, admitted, "Most sociopaths never admit they're evil. Ted really knew he was evil. Evil, evil, evil. And, believe me, really evil." Though he was sentenced to 15 years, Bundy escaped Garfield County Jail in Colorado after two years. He made his way to Tallahassee, Florida, where he murdered four college students, then moved on to Lake City, where he raped and slaughtered 12-year-old Kimberly Leach. He was arrested eight days later for driving a stolen vehicle and brought to trial. The trail was unanimous, with countless evidence linking Bundy to Leach and others. He received a life sentence for the Leach murder. Bundy, insisting on being his own attorney, appealed his convictions a number of times, but eventually ran out of time. On January 24, 1989, he fried in Florida State Prison's electric chair after confessing to 36 murders, with a large crowd outside the prison waving "Rot in Hell" and "Burn, baby, burn" signs.

     

     www.cbsnews.com

   
   
5. John Wayne Gacy: 1978 The Kinky Clown
   • By day, he was a devoted husband, a perfect father, and a seemingly respectable member of his community; by night, Gacy was one of America's most prolific serial killers, responsible for savagely raping, torturing, and slaughtering at least 33 boys and young men during a six-year wave of terror. John Wayne Gacy was employed as a clown in Fair Plain, Ill., an ideal day job for meeting and developing trust with young children. In most instances, the sicko would invite his prey into his suburban home in Chicago, Ill, and show them a magic trick--a ruse of using handcuffs to bind his victims before revealing the true nature of his being. Overpowering and chloroforming his prisoners, the man stripped off their clothes and gagged them, often with their own underwear. An investigation in 1978 led cops to confront Gacy with the evidence found in Gacy's home; the bloodthirsty killer confessed and drew a map showing the location of 27 bodies buried under his house. Gacy was executed by lethal injection in 1980.

     

     blog.lib.umn.edu

   
   
6. Ted Kaczynski: The Unabomber
   • Driven by a hatred for modern technology, evil genius Ted Kaczynski killed three and injured 23 others during a chilling nationwide mail-bombing terror campaign. Kaczynski sent or planted 16 homemade bombs loaded with wooden parts across the country from 1978-195. Despite the $1 million reward and an 18-year search--making this the longest and most expensive investigation in U.S. history for a serial killer--Federal Agents and state police alike were unable to track down the monster. His reign of terror finally came to a close after he wrote and sent in a rambling manifesto to the New York Times and Washington Post outlining his complaints about society. His brother, David, recognized Ted's writing style and tipped off the the FBI, who arrested the demented killer in April 1996. Kaczynski pleaded guilty in January 1998, and is currently serving his life sentences at the Federal Supermax Facility in Colorado.

     

     depthofprocessing.blogspot.com

   
   
7. Richard Ramirez: The Night Stalker
   • Devil worshiping drifter Richard Ramirez spread terror throughout southern California in the summer of 1995 with a savage rampage of rape, murder, and mutilation. Entering homes through unlocked doors and windows, the Night Stalker used a gun or knife to take out any man he encountered during his raids; he'd then rape the women and ransack the houses for valuables. After the kills, Ramirez would then leave pentagrams inspired by his Satanic beliefs carved into his victims' flesh or painted with blood on their walls. At least 13 died in his tracks, and more than two dozen were sexually assaulted and tortured during his reign of terror that unraveled after a victim survived an attack and gave a description of the brute and his car. Ramirez was convicted for 13 murders and 30 other felonies in September 1998, saying "No big deal. Death always comes with the territory." Awaiting his execution on Quentin's Death Row, Ramirez died of blood cancer on June 7, 2013 at age 53.

     

     blog.zap2it.com

   
   
8. Aileen Wuornos: 1990 First female serial killer
   • At least seven men were slaughtered by man-hater Aileen Wuornos in her nine-month reign of terror in Florida and Georgia. The madwoman preyed on middle-aged men by posing as a hot-mess hitchhiker along highways, luring them to a remote location--often with the promise of sex--then robbing them before pumping multiple bullets into their bodies. She'd leave their bloodied corpses by the roadside. She confessed in 1991 after being busted outside Daytona Beach, saying she killed the men to support her lesbian lover Tyria Moore. "They all deserved it," Wuornos said. In 1992, she was sentenced to death. Among her last words were, "I'd do it again because I've hated human beings for a long time." She was given the lethal injection in October of 2002.

     

     all-that-is-interesting.com

   
   
   
9. Jeffrey Dahmer: 1991 Cannibal Killer
   • With a long line of murder, rape, necrophilia, and cannibalism, Jeffrey Dahmer is marked as one of the most sadistic beings "ever to have walked the earth." Between 1978 and 1991, he murdered 17 boys and young men and feasted on their corpses while stocking his Milwaukee lair with human skulls and severed body parts. The chocolate factory worker prowled for victims at malls, gay bars, and adult book stores. He'd lure his prey with the promise of beer and money if they came back to his apartment and posed nude for pictures. Behind the closed apartment doors, he would spike their drinks and murder them by acid. His technique for murder wasn't textbook, as he would drill holes in their skulls and pour acid on their brains. Only after his acid technique caused death would he then cut up their bodies and store their organs and meat in his freezer for later meals. Dahmer told law enforcement, "Killing wasn't the objective; I just wanted to have the person under my complete control to do with as I wanted. I tried to create living zombies." He would often keep their genitalia and skulls as souvenirs. After his capture, Dahmer said cannibalism "made me feel like [my victims] were a permanent part of me. It also gave me sexual satisfaction."

     

     palantelatino.com

     
     
10. Dennis Rader: 2004 BTK killer
    • This husband, father of two, and Cub Scout leader brutally murdered 10 people in a twisted bid to fulfill his crazed sexual fantasies. His murder spree began in January 1974, when he strangled a family of four in their home. He struck again and again throughout the next three decades, admitting in a letter to the local newspaper, "It's hard to control myself." His name, The BTK Killer, is dubbed from his methods of binding, torturing, and killing his victims. He was busted in 2004 after cops traces one of his messaged to a church computer he'd used. Now 68, Rader is serving 10 life sentences at the El Dorado Correctional Facility in Kansas.

      

      www.theipinionsjournal.com

    
    

Surf over to this website, keep your family safe

http://www.kidslivesafe.com/crime-data

Hometowns

No matter where our lives lead us, revisiting our hometowns is inevitable. That little corner ice cream parlor, Uncle Sal's barber shop on Main St., the cinema downtown where Alex and you had your first kiss: these are all memories we like to reminisce on. But many of our hometowns have been idealized in our minds to a point where the worse details are blurred away.

http://www.thomaskinkadeonline.com

My hometown is Stevensville, MI--about ten miles away from the west coast of Lower Michigan. My pass-times as a child were riding my purple bike behind Martin's Food Market and the old video store, where my neighbor, Kevin, and I came across the nicest people on a daily basis; and by "nicest people" I mean men in their thirties giving each of us a candy bar behind the video store. The everyday circumstance never struck us as uncomfortable or unsafe; after all, Stevensville, MI was a safe place to call home...right?

Let's expand on this "safe" community...
As for sex offenders, Stevensville, MI has 317 in a ten-mile radius of my first home. One of these 317 men and women is Robert Mcintyre, who lived (and still lives) across the street and down four houses from the place I called home. Mcintyre, a 61 year old 6'02"African American man, was a mental health professional put on the sex offender list for fourth degree criminal sexual assault.

I look back at the young, dreaming, innocent girl I was back then...I wouldn't have hesitated if the man had asked me for assistance or asked me to come into his home during my paper route. Would you have? 

Here's a few statistics I pulled from my hometown area; the facts are truly shocking.
There were 1013 accounts of burglary, 74 accounts of forcible rape, 139 accounts of robbery, 1041 accounts of aggravated assault,  102 accounts of auto-theft, and 1180 accounts of larceny per 62 miles in 2012. Let's break this down... that's about 16.4 held-up drug stores, 1.2 raped girls, 2.5 mothers beaten and robbed, 17 beatings, 1.7 missing cars, and 19 stolen computers each square mile that year.

As I've grown older, my knowledge of predators has widened--perhaps to a point of paranoia. Okay, no, I don't shelter myself indoors all day, every day rocking in the fetal position with a pet rock. I'm pro- living life. I'm pro- letting my future children live life. But let God strike me with lightning if I ever let my family roam town like I did as a child without being as aware and protected as possible of the dangers lurking. It's as they say: "Be safe rather than sorry."

I urge you, my readers, to visit www.kidslivesafe.com or NSOPW and check on the city you call home, or download the Android/iPhone app Life360: Sex Offender Search. It's well worth your time; I know it was for me.