The PMS Defense Feminist Setback

Girls: are your premenstrual cycles too difficult to bare? Are you moody, irrational, stressed, and maybe a bit irresponsible to a point where you can't even recognize yourself? In my opinion, you're completely normal. Have you ever felt like screaming, throwing a stapler, punching the professor, or stabbing a bartender to death? In my opinion, you need medication; however, by ruling of the Supreme Courts, go right ahead and be a felon--don't worry, you'll go free by rule of insanity.

In the 1980 court case of Regina vs Craddock, Sandie Craddock--with 30 prior sentences for theft, arson, and assault--was charges with murdering a coworker. Right away, she was found guilty of manslaughter on a plea of diminished responsibility: that PMS "turned her into a raging animal each month and forced her to act out of character." This final statement set the minds of court Gods in motion, as they delayed the trial three months to observe Craddock to see if she would respond to progesterone. The judge has considered PMS as a mitigating factor--a slap in the face to our forefathers' values of right and wrong. Craddock was placed only on probation as Craddock was ordered a progesterone treatment.

Now, may I just say, what the hell. PMS is no excuse for committing crimes--especially when that crime is killing someone--yet the courts have ruled many times in the favor of the defendant because of their freaky PMSing. In a 1982 case, a mother beat her four-year-old daughter to a point of being covered in bruises and cuts--she got off. 1991, a surgeon was caught driving drunk with three children in the car. In the midst of her arrest, she kicked the police officer in the groin and attempted to flee.After this grand scheme didn't work out, she was brought to trial. She got off with a mere fee and her license was revoked for a year. 

This "defense strategy" is a load of BS, I think. Girls, you can control it. And if you can't, you should know that well enough to go to Walgreen's and get an over-the-counter hormone balancing drug. There's plenty of them. Or, if you're not too keen on medication, when you feel irritable (like you want to kick a policeman in the groin), just close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. I think all girls will agree that during our cycles you go through 15 emotions a minute--so just wait this aggressive one out and wait 30 seconds until you start crying from your next emotional freak-out.

Using the PMS defense is offensive--it really is. When some sorry chick uses this as a justification for being bat-shit crazy, it's a slap in the face for feminists everywhere; a setback to every future feminist regulation we'd like to pursue. Wanna have a female president someday? Well I wouldn't if she's allowed to go bat-shit crazy once a month. Wanna have equal job opportunities? Well she's gonna run the whole company to the ground during "that time," so I sure as hell don't think she should be in too high of power.

When you go to trial and think up a defense strategy, don't be a lazy little bioch. Either take responsibility or think of a real-deal case of why your actions are justifiable. Anything else is just embarrassing to yourself and women everywhere.